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SithVamp Reviews: Snow White and the Magic Mirror

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Welcome to another episode of SithVamp Reviews. We’re all familiar with the story of Snow White and we’ve seen a lot of movie adaptations of this classic fairy tale, but the most famous one is the 1937 Disney animated movie. But like every other movie, the Disney Snow White movie had to have a cheap alternative too… This cheap knockoff is a direct-to-video animated movie called Snow White and the Magic Mirror.

Snow White and the Magic Mirror came out in 1994. The movie opens in, where else, a kingdom far far away. Here lives Snow White and her vain stepmother, the Evil Queen. The Queen is throwing a banquet, so she has to look the fairest in the Land, and she even sings a song about it, while her servants try to make her pretty. Sadly, the Queen’s appearance doesn’t change and it turns out that the servants like Snow White more. Noticing this, the Queen tells the servants to make Snow White uglier, but this doesn’t work: Snowy remains pretty.

After the failed makeover, the Queen turns to her Magic Mirror, who does celebrity impressions all throughout the movie. The Queen asks the Mirror about who’s the fairest in the Land, and the Mirror reads the dinner guest list which has Queen’s name on the bottom of it. Since she thinks they’re all prettier than her, the Queen cancels the party and decides to kill all the guests. Gee-wiz, sister, just because there are people prettier than you, doesn’t mean you should commit mass murder! Anyway, the Queen sends the Royal Butcher, Lenny to kill the guests, but fortunately, since he won’t even hurt a fly, Lenny just goes to the village and tells all the villagers to leave and never come back.

The next day the Queen goes to the Mirror again and asks him again about who the fairest in the land is. The Mirror replies that it’s Snow White. As you can imagine, the Queen gets pissed off, so she tells Lenny the Butcher to get rid of her too. Lenny goes to the meadow, where Snow White is playing with animals and since the Queen is watching them through the Magic Mirror, Lenny pretends to kill Snowy, then carries her body off and tells her to run.

Snow White flees and when it gets dark, she tries to find shelter. First she sees an inn and meets a creepy-looking young man. Then Snow White hears and old woman’s voice inside, who calls the young man by his name “Norman”. The minute she hears the name “Norman”, Snowy gets scared and runs off, because the inn turns out to be Bates Motel from Psycho!!! Okay, I, for one, get that reference, but do little kids know what Psycho is? Anyway, Snowy is still on her way and sees that she’s on the Yellow Brick Road. Then the wind blows and Dorothy’s house falls down from the sky. Okay, ENOUGH with the pop-culture references! Is this Snow White or Family Guy?!

Anyway, Snow White then finally finds the Seven Dwarfs’ house. She enters and sees no one inside. So she goes to sleep immediately.  Then the Seven Dwarfs come home, and let me tell you, 7D these guys are not. Instead of Doc, Happy, Grumpy, Dopey, Bashful, Sneezy and Sleepy, these Dwarfs are called Dickie, Danny, Dewey, Dougie, Dobey, Donnie and Fred. Get it? Because they’re dwarfs and most of their names all start with D! Anyway, Snow White meets the Dwarfs and tells them about her problem.

The Dwarfs let Snowy stay on one condition: if she would clean and cook for them. Snowy agrees. Okay, in the original Disney movie, Snow White was capable of taking care of herself: she cleaned the Dwarfs’ house, did their laundry and cooked dinner for them, which the Dwarfs liked. In this movie, however, Snowy is totally incompetent! Her cooking sucks, she drops the dishes after cleaning them and almost burns the Dwarfs’ clothes while drying them on the fire! I know that in the story Snow White was a bit naïve, but at least she knew how clean or cook!

Anyway, back at the Castle, the Evil Queen asks the mirror yet again about who the fairest in the land is. The Mirror, of course, replies that it’s still Snow White. The Queen then comes to the conclusion that Snow White is still alive, so she decides to get rid of her herself. Meanwhile, back at the Dwarfs’ house, enter Mr. Handsome-guy-with-little-to-no-personality himself: the Prince, who sees Snow White and wants to introduce himself to her, but since he smelled the terrible smell of her bread, he rides off, before even saying a word to her. You know, it may be just me, but even the characters who are supposed to be Snow White’s friends, seem to be complete jerks! Think about it: the Dwarfs hate her food, and even the Prince judges her by her cooking!

Anyway, when the Prince leaves, the Evil Queen arrives, disguised as a cosmetics saleswoman. She tricks Snow White and gives her a poisoned comb. Snowy then collapses and the Queen leaves. Then the Dwarfs return, they find the unconscious Snowy, then revive her by simply taking the comb out of her hair. Back at the castle, the Mirror informs the Queen that she failed killing Snow White, so the Queen decides to put Plan B into action: she returns to the Dwarfs’ house, this time disguised as an old witch and gives Snow White a poisoned apple and this time it works: Snowy collapses. The Queen then returns to the castle and the Mirror tells her that she’s the fairest in the land.

The Dwarfs return and find Snow White dead. They put her in a glass coffin and mourn her. The Mirror shows this to the Queen, which causes her to throw him out the window. The Mirror falls in a river and floats away. Then the Prince arrives again and finds Snow White in the glass coffin. The Prince picks up Snowy and the piece of the poisoned apple falls out her mouth. Snowy revives and after she and the Prince sing another forgettable song, they move to the Prince’s castle and they pick up the Magic Mirror on the way. The movie ends with Snow White and the Prince getting married and the Queen living alone in her own castle.

And that’s Snow White and the Magic Mirror! And let me tell you, it’s stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!! This movie feels more like a parody of Snow White than a cartoon adaptation! Why is it even called Snow White and the Magic Mirror? We never see Snowy interact with the Mirror!

Good things:
- Can’t really say anything here.

Bad things:
- The Dwarfs are kind of jerks. They’re like Grumpy times seven, minus the likeability. Come to think of it, none of the dwarfs actually have character, they all act the same!

Favorite character:
- If there’s anyone I like from this half-assed animated movie, it’s that butcher guy Lenny
- I also kind of like the Magic Mirror
- And I can’t help but feel sorry for Snow White; not because of the Queen wanting to kill her, but because of the Dwarfs and the Prince judging her by her cooking.

Least favorite character:
- The Queen
- The Dwarfs

So overall, I think Snow White and the Magic Mirror is a very, very stupid cartoon. I’m giving it 2 out of 10. Do yourselves a favor and watch the Disney movie! See you next time on SithVamp Reviews!
My review of the poor man's Snow White animated movie: Snow White and the Magic Mirror.

Here's the movie itself: www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqdnY5…
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Did Good Times make this?