SithVamp Reviews: Muppets Wizard of Oz

Welcome to another episode of SithVamp Reviews.

Uhhh... Guys, I kid you not, this has got to be the WORST Muppet movie I have ever seen. And the funny thing is, this is a concept that otherwise could have been awesome: it's the Muppets making a movie-adaptation of the Wizard of Oz! This should be like bread and butter! How can you f*** that up?!

This movie came out in 2005. It begins in Kansas, as usual, with an R&B musical number sung by Dorothy who is played by Ashanti. (I've never heard of this singer, but she makes a lousy Dorothy) After the song ends, Dorothy goes to a Diner which is owned by her Aunt Em (played by Queen Latifah) and her Uncle Henry. Dorothy has a dream about becoming a famous singer so she plans to go for an audition at the Muppet talent show.

Dorothy meets the Muppets at their tour-bus and she tries to tell Kermit that she wants to sign up but Miss Piggy is being a bitch, so Kermit says that the auditions are over. However Dorothy gives him a CD with her demo on so he and the other Muppets can listen to it.

And then Dorothy goes back to her farm, where... oh sorry, that was a typo, did I say farm? I meant trailer. This is where she talks to her little dog... oh sorry, another typo; in this movie Toto is NOT a dog, he's a prawn. (Guess which Muppet is playing him)
Then Dorothy has an argument with Aunt Em; she says that she wants to be a star no matter what, and she doesn't want to be just like her aunt.

Then a tornado sweeps through Kansas and Uncle Henry and Aunt Em are going down to the storm cellar. Before Dorothy goes in there too, she remembers that she left Toto in the trailer so she goes back to get him. And then the tornado picks up the trailer with Dorothy and Toto inside it.

After a while the tornado drops the trailer and when it lands, Dorothy finds out that Toto had grown bigger and can talk now. This is where we find out that Toto is played by Pepe the King Prawn and he acts like... well, since he says too many sexual innuendos, the best way to describe Pepe in this movie is like a Spanish-accented prawn-version of Quagmire...

Anyway, Dorothy and Toto... you know what, I'm not gonna call them Dorothy and Toto: Ashanti and Pepe go out of the house and they enter Munchkinland. Here they are greeted by the Munchkins, played by Rizzo the Rat and other Muppet Rats. The Munchkin played by Rizzo reveals that Ashanti had landed her trailer on the Wicked Witch of the East (played by Miss Piggy). But it turns out that she's not really dead so she tries to lift up the trailer but when she realizes it's too heavy, the trailer ends up crushing her.

Seeing that the Witch really died, the Munchkin-Rats celebrate and then another witch appears: this time it's the Good Witch of the North, Tattypoo (also played by Miss Piggy). Ashanti tells her that she wants to become a star, so Tattypoo (or as I like to call her: Good Witch Piggy) tells her to go to Emerald City to see the Wizard and put on the Wicked Witch of the East's Ruby... oh sorry another typo: those aren't Ruby slippers, those are Silver High-Heel Shoes!

So yeah, Ashanti puts on the silver shoes and she and Pepe are ready to set off to Emerald City, but before they go, Good Witch Piggy warns them about the Wicked Witch of the West and tells them that they should avoid her or she'll feast on their carcasses. I'm not making this up, people: this is what Good Witch Piggy actually said!

So Ashanti and Pepe hit the Yellow Brick Road and set off to Emerald City. On the way, Ashanti is arguing with Pepe, because he wants to be her manager if she becomes famous. Then they pass a corn field and they meet the Scarecrow, played by Kermit the Frog. Scarecrow Kermit tells Ashanti that he doesn't have a brain, so Ashanti asks him to come with them. Scarecrow Kermit agrees and the three continue their journey to Emerald City.

Then they stop at what appears to be an electric power plant. They decide to go inside and this is where they find the Tin Thing, played by Gonzo. Since she sees that he's not working, Ashanti pushes the restart button and that's when Tin-Gonzo wakes up. He tells the others that he was turned into a robot by the Wicked Witch of the West, when he intended to marry his girlfriend Camilla the Chicken and that he needs a heart. Ashanti asks him to come along with them. Tin-Gonzo agrees and he detaches himself from the computer he was hooked onto previously and puts on his other nose which he claims is his cell-phone (This is never brought up again); and then we see the scene which I think is one of the worst parts of this movie: Pepe touches the bolts on Tin-Gonzo's chest and Tin-Gonzo says: "Uh, those are my nipples..." This was the part where I asked myself: "Uh, is this movie really made for kids?"

So anyway, after that disturbing scene, Ashanti, Pepe, Scracecrow-Kermit and Tin-Gonzo go to the Dark Woods and here they meet the Cowardly Lion, played by Fozzie Bear. Lion Fozzie tells the main characters that he wants to be a stand-up Comedian, but he's too scared to perform in front of an audience so Ashanti tells him that he should come with them too.

And then we get another musical number, which is the only good thing in this whole f***ing movie: Ashanti and the Muppets sing a song called "When I'm With You".

So then, after the song ends, Ashanti, Pepe, Scarecrow-Kermit, Tin-Gonzo and Lion Fozzie continue their journey. They arrive at a gorge and the only way they can go through it is going across the log bridge over it. On the other side of the gorge there's two trolls, played by Statler and Waldorf and what they do is criticize those who try to go across the gorge. The first to go is Ashanti, and she gets to the other end successfully by ignoring Statler and Waldorf's words. Pepe, Scarecrow-Kermit and Tin-Gonzo are also lucky to get through, but when it's Lion Fozzie's turn, he gets too scared to ignore Statler and Waldorf's words, so he gets stuck in the middle. But Tin-Gonzo helps him and he gets through too.

And then our heroes reach the Poppy Fields... oh wait, I mean a nightclub called Poppy Field. So yeah, they enter the nightclub and here we see Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem playing a song called Nap Time (They only appear in two scenes, so they have minimal involvement in the movie too). As Ashanti and the others are sitting in the club, Tin-Gonzo informs the others that poppies can spray sleeping gas. This gas manages to knock out Lion Fozzie and Ashanti, so Pepe, Scarecrow-Kermit and Tin-Gonzo quickly take them out and Pepe summons the Munchkin-Rats. Munchkin-Rizzo says that they should revive both Ashanti and Lion Fozzie with CPR, but Tin-Gonzo has a better idea: he revives Ashanti with an electric shock. Ashanti wakes up and Lion Fozzie comes to his senses too.

Then Ashanti and the others finally reach Emerald City. When they enter, they're greeted by Scooter. Scooter takes Ashanti to, and I'm not making this up: a makeover machine, because she's wearing a tablecloth for an apron, and she can't enter the Wizard's room like that. When Ashanti comes out of the makeover-machine, she's dressed all in green.
And then Scooter takes Ashanti and the others to a laboratory, where Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker offer them green glasses, because in the Wizard's room there is a light so strong that it could burn their eyes out.

After the main characters put on their green glasses, the Wizard summons them one by one to his room. The first one to go is Lion Fozzie. When Lion Fozzie enters the room, the Wizard appears to him as a crappy CGI Dragon. The Wizard asks Lion Fozzie to tell him a joke, but Fozzie is too scared. This displeases the Wizard, so he opens a trap door and Lion Fozzie falls into it.
Next it's Scarecrow Kermit. This time the Wizard appears as something that resembles the Magic Mirrror from Snow White, also in crappy CGI. The Wizard asks Scarecrow Kermit if it is true that he wants a brain. Kermit says yes, but he still ends up falling into the pit under the trap-door.
Next it's Tin-Gonzo. This time the Wizard appears a crappy CGI-woman. She tries to seduce Gonzo, but when Gonzo tells her about Camilla, and this is where it becomes very scary, she's starting to turn slowly into a huge CGI chicken! (Shudders) I never thought I'd see a transformation even scarier than the scene where Brundlefly's final form is peeling out...
Anyway, after Tin-Gonzo disappears in the pit too, Pepe goes to the Wizard's Room, he asks the Wizard if he can make him a manager and then he disappears in the Pit too.
Then finally Ashanti enters the Wizard room. This time the Wizard appears as Boss Nass from Star Wars episode I.
The Wizard says that he'll grant the wishes of Ashanti and her friends if they bring him the magic all-seeing eye of the Wicked Witch of the West. And then of course, Ashanti falls into the pit too, where she meets her Muppet friends. She tells them what the Wizard wants and they set off for the Wicked Witch of the West's Castle.

Meanwhile, since she has an all-seeing Magic Eyeball, the Wicked Witch of the West, played by Miss Piggy, again, sees Ashanti and the others heading for her castle, so she decides to capture Ashanti with the help of her henchmen: Johnny Fiama, Sal Minella and the Flying Monkeys... well, don't get fooled by that name, because the Flying Monkeys in this movie are actually a Biker Gang, played by Sweetums, Crazy Harry and some of the Muppets that played the Pirates in Muppet Treasure Island, a movie I'd rather watch right now instead of this crap!!!

Anyway, Wicked Witch Piggy and the Flying Monkeys fly on their motorbikes to capture Ashanti and the others. Then we get another musical number, sung by Wicked Witch Piggy and for a brief moment we see the Electric Mayhem again. During the song, the Flying Monkeys literally rip Scarecrow-Kermit and Tin-Gonzo apart. WOW! That was pretty dark for a Muppet movie!
So when the song ends, Wicked Witch Piggy and the Flying Monkeys take Ashanti, Pepe and Lion-Fozzie back to the castle, leaving the remains of Scarecrow-Kermit and Tin-Gonzo behind.

In the castle Johnny Fiama and Sal Minella are filming Wicked Witch Piggy, because she's shooting a reality show. Wicked Witch Piggy plans to remove the Silver Shoes from Ashanti's legs, BY SAWING HER LEGS OFF!!! Gee-wiz, gruesome, much?! What is this, Meet the Feebles?!

Anyway, Lion-Fozzie is locked up in a cage and is tortured by the Flying Monkeys. Suddenly he sees the keys to the cage, so he decides to tell a couple of jokes to distract the Flying Monkeys. The gang finds the jokes funny and in the end Fozzie tricks them by making them think he's performing a disappearing magic trick: he tells the Monkeys to turn around and close their eyes. The gang does this, so Fozzie grabs the keys and escapes from the cage.

He goes to Wicked Witch Piggy's room and stops the saw which is about to cut Ashanti's legs off. Fozzie unties Ashanti and Pepe. And then Ashanti and Wicked Witch Piggy face each other. And then comes possibly the WORST scene in the entire movie: all of a sudden, without any warning, we cut to Quentin Tarantino... QUENTIN TARANTINO, who is talking to Kermit about how he imagines the battle between Dorothy and the Wicked Witch. He wants to make it just like the Kill Bill movies. Kermit says that this is too violent for a family movie. Yeah, right, and sawing someone's legs off with a huge circle saw is totally kid friendly! Anyway, after his idea is rejected, Tarantino comes up with an alternative: he says that Dorothy should kick the Wicked Witch in the face. And oddly, Kermit says this idea is fine.

After that little WTF-moment, we cut back to the Castle, where Wicked Witch Piggy is ready to attack, but Ashanti kicks her into a swimming pool, where she melts away. Johnny Fiama begins to mourn her. Ashanti walks closer to the pool and sees Wicked Witch Piggy's magic eye in the water. She takes it out of the water and the Flying Monkeys tell her that they were serving the Witch because she had a Magic Biker Hat. Ashanti puts on the hat and then she, Pepe, Lion Fozzie, Johnny, Sal and the Flying Monkeys go back to Emerald City, but first, with the help of the Munchkin-Rats, they put Scarecrow-Kermit and Tin-Gonzo back together.

So yeah, Ashanti and the others head back to Emerald City, but this time the Wizard's room is just an empty soundstage. They hear the Wizard's voice, who tells them to come back tomorrow. This makes Pepe angry, so he starts fighting the wires... wow... that was just... random. So anyway, Pepe starts punching the wires, and it turns out that the Wizard was just a man behind a computer. You know, for a Muppet movie, I was expecting Frank Oz to be the Wizard, but no, it's not him at all... or maybe he's lucky that he wasn't involved.
So the Wizard turns out to be a guy who was once a driver for TV. This disappoints Ashanti and the others, but Mr. Not-Wizard still gives them what they wanted:

In the scenes following this, we see the Wizard hosting a TV-show being broadcast everywhere in Oz, so everyone can see how he gives the main characters what they wanted.
First the Wizard gives Lion Fozzie a golden Microphone. This gives Fozzie courage.
Then the Wizard gives Tin-Gonzo a heart-magnet and then Camilla comes out from behind the curtain and Gonzo hugs her.
Then the Wizard takes Scarecrow-Kermit's head off and fills it up with breakfast cereal! That scene was pretty disturbing...
So anyway, the last one who gets her wish granted is Ashanti; the Wizard offers her to become a singer, but Ashanti soon realizes that what she really wanted is to get home to her family. She also says that the others don't need what they asked for.

So Ashanti asks the Wizard how she can get home. The Wizard says that she and the others should go back to Munchkinland and see Glinda the other Good Witch (also played by Miss Piggy). So Ashanti and the others head back to Munchkinland, where they find Glinda Piggy. She tells Ashanti that she should hit her Silver shoes together and wish herself back home.

Ashanti does this and flies back from Oz to Kansas (without Pepe), to her aunt's diner. Here she reunites with Aunt Em and Uncle Henry. Then Ashanti sees Kermit. Kermit tells her that he and the Muppets listened to her demo and he wants to sign her. First Ashanti declines the offer, but Aunt Em tells her to go, because no matter where she goes, she'll always be in her family's heart.

So the movie ends with Ashanti and the Muppets singing a musical number.

Here's my opinion on The Muppets Wizard of Oz: IT WAS F***ING HORRENDOUS!!! THIS WAS NOT A MUPPET MOVIE!!!!! It felt more like a parody of a Muppet movie; a cold, unfunny and plain mean-spirited parody of a Muppet movie. Jim Henson would be rolling angrily in his grave! I mean, what was Brian Henson thinking?!

Good Things:
Well, I can only say TWO positive things about this movie:
01. The song "When I'm With You" was the only decent song in the entire movie
02. I kinda liked Lion Fozzie too.

Bad Things:
01. Ashanti as Dorothy
02. Pepe playing Toto
03. Things that are never brought up again, like Gonzo's nose cell-phone
04. Too many sexual references
05. "Those are my Nipples"
06. The horrible CGI
07. The f***ing Quentin Tarantino scene!!!
08. The lack of charm that the Muppet movies usually have

Things that should have been in the movie:
01. Dorothy being played by a better actress
02. TOTO NOT BEING A F***ING PRAWN!!! He should be a dog and should be played by Rowlf, an actual Dog Muppet!
03. The Wizard being played by Frank Oz
04. Better storytelling
05. Less sexual innuendos

My favorite character:
Only two: Lion Fozzie and Scarecrow Kermit

My least favorite character:
Everyone except for Fozzie and Kermit. And again, Pepe as Toto was a horrible idea. Like I said, he acted like a Spanish prawn-version of Quagmire...

So I think The Muppets Wizard of Oz is one of the worst adaptations of the Wizard of Oz, an atrocious abomination against the Muppets, and one of the worst f***ing movies I have ever seen! It's on par with It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie. My rating for it is a Minus, I repeat, MINUS Nine.